Jokes only a geek could love?
July 10, 2009 21 Comments
A while back I compiled a list of jokes that pass my criteria for supreme cheesiness. I had a bit of a rough start yesterday and could use a laugh (indeed, who doesn’t?), so I figured now is as good a time as any to share them. For the scientifically inclined, do don’t worry – there are plenty of jokes here for you.
Courtesy of Chris Lasher:
A bioinformatician walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “GATCGCATCAATAAA?” The bioinformatician replies, “I’m going to need a translation.”
From Ricardo Vidal:
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’
From Neil Saunders:
Mushroom in bar: “A round of drinks for everyone!” Customer: “Well, he seems like a fun guy.”
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
(a variation: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, “For you? No charge.”)
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!
Student: Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
Teacher: Well, actually it isn’t.
Student: Yes, it is, it runs in your genes.
How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
…HEY LET’S RIDE BIKES!!
I can’t tell you!
Then, just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse (better?), we have the pick-up lines:
I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.
Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?
Baby, I know my chemistry, and you’ve got one significant figure.
If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Hey, baby; wanna test the ‘k’ of my bedsprings?
Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.
How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the digits of your phone number?
Also, some good jokes from Physics Buzz.
And no post about science comedy would be complete without a mention of Earth’s premier science comedian, Brian Malow! I had the pleasure of hearing some of his act at SciBarCamp and it’s first rate. I especially liked this bit about time travel, from which I’ll paraphrase just a snippet:
When I meet people, I like to ask “when are you from?” instead of “where are you from?” in hopes that I’ll trip one of them up. He’ll say, “I’m from 2199, how about you?” and I’ll say “I’m from… RIGHT NOW! Quick, get a net!”
Turns out Brian was good friends with another comic I admired greatly, Mitch Hedberg!