Departmental retreats in my experience have contained a disproportionate amount of karaoke. Usually this is in the form of a competition, where props, costumes, and lyrical creativity are all encouraged. Since the groups I’ve attended with tend to be gifted intellectually but ill-prepared physically, we usually fly by the seat of our pants and achieve glory mostly on the coattails of innate vocal talent and ambitious musical choices. Here are some examples.
We Are The Nerds (sung to We Are The World)
Straight Up (in the style of Paula Abdul)
Informatician Rhapsody (sung to Bohemian Rhapsody)
————————————————————————
We Are The Nerds
(sung to the tune of We Are The World)
(verse)
There comes a time… when we heed a certain call,
When the geeks must come together as one.
Model organisms are dying, so it’s time to write some code…
In Perl, the greatest language of all.
(verse)
We can’t go on… pipetting day by day,
’cause someone, somewhere, should automate.
We are all a part of the informatics community,
And the truth, you know data’s all we need!
(chorus1)
We are the nerds! We don’t do lab work.
We are the ones who make a better BLAST, so let’s start scripting.
There’s a choice we’re making – we’re leaving truth behind,
It’s true we’ll cluster anything = BIOLOGY.
(verse)
Well, send us your data, tell us what it needs to show,
And your paper, will be published in P-L-O-S.
Experiments are hard – they often do not work
And so we all… wear sandals, spend weekends at home!
(chorus1)
(bridge)
When your data’s bad, there seems no hope at all,
But if we display it nice, they won’t notice it at all…
Well well well wellll let’s visualize
The result, our fantasy!
So we, we get our Ph.D!
(chorus2)
We are the nerds! We don’t do lab work.
(hebrew translation of:) We are the ones who make a better BLAST, so let’s start scripting.
(french accent:) Zere’s a choice we’re making – we’re leaving truth behind,
It’s true we’ll cluster anything = biologie!
(chorus1 with swaying)
(chorus1 with swaying and waving of lighters aka cell phones)
————————————————————————
Straight Up
(sung to the tune of Straight Up by Paula Abdul)
Lost… in my degree
I don’t know which way to go
My research is all that i see
And, baby, it’s movin’ way too slow
I’ve been fooled before
Wouldn’t like to get my work
Caught in the slammin’ door
How about some informatics, please?
(Chorus:)
Straight up, now tell me will I really be in grad school forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or am I gonna graduate?
Straight up, now tell me can I live on free food forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or do we really have to pay?
Thesis… standing still
Waiting for some small clue
I keep getting chills
When I think the data is true
I’ve been fooled before
Wouldn’t like to get my work
Caught in the slammin’ door
How about some informatics, please?
Straight up, now tell me will I really be in grad school forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or am I gonna graduate?
Straight up, now tell me can I live on free food forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or do we really have to pay?
(Bridge 1:)
Technical virtuosity
Being scholarly
and communication
Interdisciplinary
Skills we learn for free
Oh B-B-M-I, B-B-M-I
(Bridge 2:)
When will we finish?
(When will we finish, BMIR?)
When will we finish?
(When will we finish, BMIR?)
A-tell me, BMIR
I’ve been a fool before
Wouldn’t like to get my work
Caught in the slammin’ door
Just sign the thesis for me
I’ll be on the wall of Lusted Library
I don’t mean to make demands
But the work and degree go hand in hand
How about some informatics, please?
Straight up now tell me…
Straight up now tell me…
Straight up, now tell me will I really be in grad school forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or am I gonna graduate?
Straight up, now tell me can I live on free food forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or do we really have to pay?
Straight up!
————————————————————————
Informatician Rhapsody
(sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)
(me) Is this the real life? Is it just fantasy?
Stuck at the lab bench, no escape from reality…
Open my eyes, results are still far from me…
There must be more than this to graduate school
(all) because it’s easy come, hard to go, publishing is super slow.
(me) Any way the gel goes, doesn’t really matter for me…
for me…
(female labmate) [PI's name], just killed a job,
Want results, got bugs instead, pulled the plug and now it’s dead!
(me) [PI's name], school has just begun,
And I’m ready to throw my code away!
(male labmate) Grad school…. oooOOOooo…
I just want free food,
If I’m not here I’m just “working from home” -
Carry on, carry on.
(all) Bioinformatics…
(female labmate) Hooray! My jobs are done!
Sends shivers down my spine, since when does the code run fine?
(me) 9 to 5 ’til the weekend, then it’s time to go,
I can leave it all behind until Monday!
(male labmate) Informatics…. oooOOOooo…
I just want free food,
If I’m not here I’m just “working from home”…
[musical interlude - air guitar]
(female labmate) I see a little simulated RNA
(all) Optimize! Optimize! Til you get the best structure,
Clustering and tightening, very very frightening, ee!
(PI in high-pitched voice) Gregor Mendel!
(male labmate in deep voice) Gregor Mendel!
(PI) Gregor Mendel!
(male labmate) Gregor Mendel!
(both) Gregor Mendel Andy Fire! (me) Got the Nobel (all) -el -el el
(post-doc) I’m just a post-doc, nobody loves me
(all) He’s just a post-doc with a poor Ph.D.,
Save this poor man from his futility!
(male labmate) Easy come, hard to go, will you let me go?
(PI) Cheap labor, no! I will not let you go
(all) Let him go!
(PI) More papers, I will not let you go
(all) Let him go!
(PI) More papers, I will not let you go
(all) Let him go!
(PI) I will not let you go
(all) Let him go!
(PI) I will not let you go
(all) Let me go oh oh oh no no no no
(me) My committee, my committee, my committee, let me go!
(all) The ___________ Lab really loves the Genetics retreat…. retreat…..
reTREAT!!!!
[musical interlude with headbanging and air guitar]
(all) Yes we’re hoping to win karaoke tonight!
We don’t plan ahead ’cause our algorithms are tight!
….right? …. maybe.
That depends on the experts,
that’s why we love, that’s why we love the retreat!
[musical interlude - headbanging fades into group swaying]
(me) Does it really matter? Sometimes it’s hard to see…
But informatics really matters…
(grad students) I can’t wait to get my Ph.D…..
[musical denouement]
(PI whispers) No more broken windows….*
(closing gong)
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